Febuary 2015

Well, i was 2 days ahead the other day so need to catch up i have written other things , i am a stickler for pen & paper , my thoughts secure , so i think , i really, i have to share,I like Love loads of things i like being able to just get my dog and walk the streets of where we live. people come here from far & wide just to see what i take for granted , due to being here 24/7. I would love a holiday , but even then , the money paid on going abroad,My dream is to take my youngest to Disney land, he doesn`t want to go:( , what child do you know that doe,s not want to go to DISNEY LAND. He has , had it tuff for his 10 years for what that child has endured some adults have not been there in a lifetime, The Empathy the child has , i have compared him to others by saying , " My son has more Empathy in his little finger than most people". Will ever have in a lifetime & he can sympathize & Empathize with most on most levels. Very clever my youngest son , i am so proud of him he is just amazing and totaly amazes me constantly, love that boy  , but of-course like any child they know what buttons to press lol :) only your own child knows , which these 1,s are and will find them very early on ie the first few months :) very clever, People do not give enough credit to babies, they think they are born with no knowledge?? no they know alot , we as parents guide them to learn more. We are also guilty of not encouraging their imaginations. Listen to their dreams. Listen really listen get them to draw you pictures with colors decipher these pictures they tell loads of story's , in allegory from children & from the cradle till the grave we are their teachers, they can become ours we learn from them also never be fooled into thinking your child doesn`t know you, They do know , more than we give them credit for>
Always be as honest as possible dont try to hide the truth because if it al goes wrong it takes a ;ot to regain that trust, from your child,After my husband died, my son would not cuddle me & was angry with his neice, he was only just turned 5, himself so i can understand his anger, he went to school 1 day , knowing his dad was ill , he came back and gave his dad a kiss that morning.Then we left for school , as i was heading home , an ambulance passed on the road infront of me , to me that was a sign to get home now, i was with some1 at the time,. Then the ambulance put his flashing blue lights on , something inside of me told me to run), i said this to my friend and ran home.
My husband wide awake!! wanting some thing to eat , i was in shock, but went with the flow as you do ,he wanted out his bed , which was in the livingroom ,for room. My thoughts were how am i going to get you back into bed, we sat on the floor his back against the chair, & we laughed like we hadn`t done in months & months we also spoke of things but what sticks in my head is the laughing it was like , the guy i had falen for all those years earlier for , the real hubby of mines , as we sat and lauged and chatted, The door went and he started to fall to the side so i was caught in a cath 22 try answer the door & stop my huby from falling sideways onto the floor as he drifted , the door was opened & in came a  nurse as i raced her to see what was wrong, she turned to me & said " THIS IS IT", i was like dumd struck, and then realised what she was meaning THIS WAS IT.
I can now say thankfully you did pass laughing, just how you had wished all those years ealier.
We watched a famous comedian die on TV on stage and everyone thought he was joking because he was funny,Sadly he wasn`t joking he had , had a heart attack& died on stage (tommy Cooper) RIP TY.
So after your, husband dies in the house you, expect the medical services to be of help,?? no you have to phone an undertaker, for this i was not aware so my hubby lay on the floor for a good few hours we all had a chance to say goodbye, the ones who had travelled his 9 month journey,. The only 1 missing was our youngest we thought it better he was at school.
He came home to no dad , the bed lyeing empty,His little head , the hurt the eyes, the feelings, tidal wave of tears & how he wanted to see him but i thought best at the time he didn`t , just remember his dad how he was , alive, /?.
I wish i had of got him from school earlier to see his dad, but as it turned out , the family dog had to be put to sleep , another story!!,. The child wanted to be there to see what happened, so i said to the vet & he was ok, with this unusual request. So our son got to see what happens straight away in death.
Its only a vessel son your free from the pain , of this life & you will see your dad 1 day when its your turn to join the other side . Not a day sooner & not a day later:.
This year 5 years after your dads passing you, didn`t want to do any thing to celebrate your dads life, i understand your anger, now you say to me i have not to talk of your dad what so ever. Why my little one what has happened , that you do not even wanna talk of your dad whats wrong.
This i will find out not today but in the future , i need to know why you talk this way for your sake & everyone else who has lost their fathers. I do not know my father, never have so i can`t even empathize with you my little one. Please help me to understand all your angers frustrations Little man , dont keep it all biottled up inside let it out lil man let it out.Plz help me to understand