Heart Broken

Your heart has been , ripped out and jumped all over & then jumped on again from a great height.
Trying to flatten you,turning you inside out, losing all faith-in everything. Nothing seems real, As you mope, about wondering why. Why did I let this happen to myself? A gluten for punishment , a sucker for a sob story. Why is it you get hurt when all you tried to do was your best and give all a peaceful life. Instead of things being lessons, why can`t they be blessings too, Why do they want to hurt you, Deep down inside twisting the knife. knowing the effect its having , yet that doesn`t bother you. Tears are for self pity, I even began to believe this,. No tears are when you finally realized. How strong you have tried rto be. Just because i do not share my tears dont think they dont flow, flowing down my cheeks almost blinding me to write. The tears they flow freely when no one can see. I was taught not to cry, I have too i cannot stop , what is deep inside , it needs out. Doesn`t matter how hard you try, There is always someone to pull you apart. Even with lies. Not thinking of the consequences for your thought less actions. I would not give you the satisfaction of seeing my tears. You could not handle me at my best , Your definitely not going to cope with me at my worst. Your too busy micros-coping everything. You have no idea the bigger picture!! As long as you are all right jack springs to mind.
Its sore when some1, you thought was a friend or so called friends. Pull everything apart. Looking for anything. So Sad . I am , me What you get is what you see, No hidden agendas , just trying to get by ,
In this world , just like everyone else  , Yes a lot of people get hurt also , this is our lessons or blessings , good and bad in everything , Sometimes you cannot see the good or bad, till , hindsight,.
If only we all could bottle that stuff ,. If that was Love then i will stay alone, Cele-bit, Nun comes to
mind . Think am a bit late for that i have 3 kids lol :) , You have got to laugh, because if you dont you
will go insane, maybe i am , Maybe i am not , i have it on good authority i am far from , Insane.
Things that have happened over the years , could have sent me insane maybe did at the time, but i am here writing this sorry tale,& loads more to come 1 day i will finish a book till then , i will just share the mad things that go on day to day in each of our life`s.
From getting up till we roll into our beds at bedtime, there is always something , nothing ever seems to be alright, always seems to be everything is up in the air , as i said before , just as you think you have a handle on life the ruddy thing goes and breaks. Breaking you in two, The other saying what doesn`t kill you will make you stronger is true also but it feels like its killing you at the time.
As the days roll by , you make yourself busy , taking your mind of things you hope , but its always your last thought and your first, . What has this day got in store for me & Mines.
We all suffer in our own heads we are our own worst critics , i know i am my worst ,
I question everything then question again , and again till am right back at the beginning.
It all starts again , the day , the time , the month , the years all go by so fast, we do not realize
Till we are older , when we do not get bored , remember being bored , no neither do i , I heard my
Son complain he was bored just the other day , & it set me to thinking , Children have so much at their
fingertips , Yet ask to help with a chore and that is an effort lol :) . Children they have no clue of just how easy they do have it , some children , sorry !! Mad how i feel i have to apologize for the poor children who dont have . These kids are just as important too all are unique , with so much love to give and light your way in your darkest of hours . Love , peace & Light & Respect :) Have a great day :)