I dont feel it

Today is one of those days, !! I could have just went right back to sleep , puled the downie over,
And just totally chill-ax :). It wouldn`t happen.
My mind would never have stopped now it was awakening, and now awake, i tried,
to just relax and go back to sleep , my body wasn`t having none of it , My brain was already to alert to even kid my self on and try,. That would not have been very clever of me, my son would of missed school, 1 day is ok, nope, it sure isn`t,.  The School years they go by so fast , enjoy and get as much out of it all as possible, remember its what you put in you get back?. I know am far from perfect,
or number 1 mum of the year but we all try some try harder that is for sure some don`t even try at all,
Some people would kill to have children, yet so many can have a child !! It seems at the drop of a hat:),
what about the people who try with all their might to have a child and have so much to give, yet they just cannot , conceive, Whilst other have Children like they are going out of fashion, And dont even stay to take care of them!!. What is that all about. The lord is suppose to check this world through for a teacher true, in 1 of my poems, this poem declares loads. well why do these people suffer in this way, whilst others can have as many baby`s as they want, What a cruel twist of fate? I can only call it.
I have not experienced , not having Children. They are a blessings and such a joy. How does this happen , What cruel twist of fate, can this be the cause of, seemingly nothing happens by coincidence,
I can not answer this question, even though i seek the answer for a very dear loved one. I know she will look and know i am talking of her, but i am only angry for you, this is why I say what i say and how i say it. it is such a sore subject, i realy want to cradle you close my little one, so i can make it all ok, all a nightmare take all this other pain away from the loads you already carry on your little shoulders. You remind me of a giant, even though you are  short, in height you make up for in character . You are and always have been a very bright girl, people used to say when you were little"she has been here before". With the words that came from such a young mouth, you would,
know how to stop all us adults in our tracks. I am 1 very proud mother , My Biological Children , love for you is unconditional, & Children who came my way, you are all always on my mind , wondering hoping you are all doing well. I know most of you are doing just amazing , living getting on. That is
all we all can do. Just go with the flow, some days it might feel like the flow has been stopped dead in its tracks!!. The words don`t flow as easily as they did yesterday ! Is this what they call a mental block, writers block  , that is kool because i have a set of high flats in my head, lol, :). A big high rise flat of story's to look and use . if my head is completely blank, this storage space is full , we were young and knew how to have fun, and we shared with everyone who wanted to come, We were all so young , thinking we were all grown up , now i can laugh looking back, at us all dancing , singing, all the stupid, funny things we did have a lot of fun , with a lot of people, We had a great crew of friends , the real ones stay over the years you will see for yourself, as you grow,. Then you wake up and you are nearing 40 and you are like what happened there:). That was fast, and all the things we done our Children are now doing , its great to see, the children all grown, I am one of the lucky ones to see all this, Lots of others , didn`t get the chance , that is why , you will find me taking pictures of everyone capturing every moment i can , sometimes taking 2 or 3 shots of the same picture. A photograph,
will darken and fade but so does , your head.  Some days are more cloudier than others some the sun shines right on through and out of you, then some days you , might feel like a dark cloud yourself, When i feel this, i am usualy outside? Over the years i questioned why do i feel the way i am feeling,
It wasn`t till i noticed something one bright day , It wasn`t me? Thankfully i can feel other peoples sadness, or what ever they feel at the time, sometimes this can be scary , not knowing how you
are going to feel 1 step after another an upward hill struggle , especially when all coming toward you , the look on some of their faces, You can`t help but  look that wee bit deeper, Even offer a friendly smile a nervous twitch even, You will know , from what you are getting told from deep inside, do
not ignore this , listen carefully , once you miss it you have missed the chance, If you are to have it , it will come back round again, There is only so much any one can take, Before they burst or end up in a corner some were!, Its hard to get you self out of that dark place, its all doom and gloom and there is no light whats so ever,. You have no clue what is going to be , sometimes its better not to know.
Even if you do know what is coming , sometimes you cannot get out of the way , every thing happens for a reason , seemingly nothing happens by coincidence? and the more i think, the more i know,
Yes i am very well guided and protected. Due to i am me, nothing special , what i have to give is special, That can be for all, not all want the joy though, they wish to remain in their own we bubble.
I have to get out, i like bubbles like everyone else but , being stuck is another story , and i know all about that also, It can take years but if you keep true to yourself and all around you that matter, then never mind the rest. They dont count are they, there in your ?darkest hours, do they pay your bills, they can sit and mock, but really who is laughing. I for sure am, What a twisted tale , too twisted to put into a tale :) or words 1 day i will , put it all down how twisted , people can be so so sad.
It let me see so much without realizing myself at the time, Life is all for learning, everyone walks different paths, For all different reasons , We face what we face , we all do everything in life is for the next world i believe in this strongly, I havent done too bad up to now and have no intention of any bad.
Only Good and Peace & Light in us all we all have it. It is so much nicer when you let your sun shine and not for someone else for you, that makes all the others happy , once they see you can shine , they try, they do follow suit due to, they know its a much better life. Sharing is caring , Especially knowledge. We are all first time learners, then teachers as we get older even as children we teach our youngsters,All ways the student , never think you know it all , for sure you don`t. No one can say they know it all :). Peace & Light :) Have a great week :)