Mentil Block

I haven`t written in , what feels forever, I have been busy , with other things, i love to write,
Put it all down , even just to reflect on ,
There is plenty lessons learnt and taught to us all we might not even see at the time , its not till
you are a wee bit, down the line and you do have to, reflect.
Especially the lessons we are to,  learn and how, hard those times, were, and now how you overcame
those hurdle`s. You might of felt like death warmed up at the time or no feelings at all , numb,
Numbed into some kind of silent madness, its all in your head they say, well why try ply me
with antidepressants, If its all in my head , its going to stay there , hidden with some mental ,
block , Driving me insane at times, Not being able to remember, can be a blessing or a nightmare.
Having a Gift to see the future , is it a gift or a hindrance?. I still cannot decide, I see so much,
Yet see so little sometimes, Its not till after and you do your reflection , you realize , you knew,
all along , Then you question , what was the point if i could not stop any of it.
The point is , This makes or breaks you , things that happen in life, we have to find strength in all,
That we do. Easier said than done , when every thing feels piled high against you and all
you thought was , is not was it was at all, Everything turned on its head , everything you knew as , is now gone , and you are left wondering , Loads of questions and answers , Its deciphering the right ,
and the wrong from it all the good and the bad the down right ugly and more so how did you,
manage , People ask how i get out of bed in the morning or even bother to at the time, when it was at its worst, This was not a good thing to say to someone , who has everything they have ever known taken totally, out of their life , all that is , is memory's,. Even not wanting to move forward is another battle in itself. Having to make new history , when you want what was and not what is, Heart strings getting pulled in all directions , you getting dragged in all directions, not knowing your arse, from your elbow so to speak, Somehow we do get through, and are stronger for it, its true " what doesn`t kill you makes you stronger", You have to get strong or you sink , no ones going to throw you a life line.
You have to do it by yourself for the lessons to be learn`t. Once you have learn`t the lesson sent then you can accept the help, Maybe that`s just me . To proud to ask for help,
 The reason i have this out look is life its self caused me to think in this manner,
 "dont expect any thing from any one" "then when it does happen its a bonus".
Then maybe teach yourself to become self reliant.  Its great to have someone by our side, 2 heads are always better than one, " different opinions, Then yous`e can decipher between yous`e which is the best answer for the dilemma yous`e are facing. Then of-course if you don`t have the 2, of you any more, and everything is left down to your say so, You question everything at-least 10 times over ,
That is probably my problem , questioning everything , on hindsight , everything i planned,
has worked out, without me even being aware , I know this sounds daft, believe me its far from it,
When you do have a Life changing effect, then another & another , you have to question and stop and think, What is this all about , why hit me with all this at this time in my life. Just as i thought everything seemed to be getting better , huh , another thing thrown into the ring , to test ,
my strength, As a mother my strength comes from my children, They make me need to live,
They make me feel the need to live for them, I could not leave them, they have lost 1 parent,
To lose another so early would, not be right , and definitely, Not fare.
The things thrown , i don`t know of no other who has had all this thrown in their ring ,Thankfully
i found the strenght i never even knew i had, i put one foot in front of the other, and that is how i get
through my day, Maybe some of my choices are wrong , only time will tell , all i can say is i do my best. That is all i can do , considering all that has went before me, i have managed to this day , tomorrow is not here yet, The past , present & future for us all is in us all, I don`t know if , me getting to see my future was that good for me, but must of been good some how because i am here to share this tale. There is loads of messages and answers for loads of different, scenarios, The stuff i have learnt cannot be learnt from a book , You could read the book and think , this couldn`t all happen to 1 family in less than 1 year , Of course, It wasnt just 1 year there is 30 odd years of it all, the year i talk of was the year it all changed , and every thing that was, is, now history , our history. Of our
Life`s as a family in this day and age from 1980 through to 2010. Then all changed , it all got so dark,
I wouldn`t have been able to see any light or wood for any trees.
Now 5 years later i am strong , yes i am strong , only because of all the pain, We have had to endure
We had to learn lessons so severe, I could very easily have given up, but the inner me would never have let that be, You only find the inner you , when that is all there is in sight. Your children's faces give you strength, make you rise your head as if lighting their paths, as a good mum would do,
watch for all the pit falls in life , try to help your child before they fall, give plenty advice, they will listen, they will still do what they were going to do, and when you remember how many times you have told them, remember , when your parent`s were telling you, did you listen or did you go,
and make mistakes, I definitely know i did, That is all the life`s learning for you, You as parents can advise as i did , just make sure to be there when they fall to help pick them up and dust them down, dont say i told you so, They know this only too well now after the fall, You pick your child up dust them down and ease them forward, Always watching in the back ground, knowing the answers ,
Knowing they are going to get hurt is hard, even harder when they do get hurt, as i have said do not say i told you so, Or even a look , All their anger will come at you from all angles, that also is your job.
To help them turn this anger , negativity, into positivity , its not an easy quest , Its hard being a teacher,
All the things its up to you to install in your child, I found some of the things i did install, manners for example are free, and get every one so much further in life. Morals , Standards they should apply to their daily life`s , we all do , loads of silly simple things we do not even think of twice of , is all teaching your child from day 1, your actions , your voice, the baby already knows from the womb,
Children are so clever , so resilient, Its upto us as the adults to nurture these  gifts. keep our children bright , they are bright , keep that up , from day one they are inquisitive, and give so much joy ,
I have even heard , its a Thankless task , being a parent? No, its really one of the best ever experiences in life. This little bundle , watching them grow and bloom , is what the thanks is , its what you put in as they are baby`s . laying solid foundations, and your relationship will flourish and bloom, with your child as they grow,Your heart pounding with pride , in the knowledge you helped bring such a wonderful,  creation to this life. Then on hindsight , it was really you , that helped mold and shape this child , now going into the world themselves and you know you have done all you could to keep them smart for everything outside , There will be things they will come across , they become your teacher?
Myself i see as always a student in life, never a master, too many people think that, when really we
are all in this together. this life and the futures of our children's , children , that is what i see to life.
Very easy steps , they might seem , life seems an up wards struggle everything raining down on top of you, Learn to dance in this rain , and everything will seem like a dream . Love light & Peace :)