Cold heart

As i sit and think of times gone by , The laughs , The tears, The happiness, The Noise.
Silent , is the night , as i think of you, My Heart aches just to have you by my side,
I wish , we could turn back the clocks, bring you back , it is not to be, Even though,
I Loved you, I loved enough i thought i gave you my all for you , to throw at me,
Emotionally leaving me drained, And blinded , Thinking You relay Loved me, NO.
You did not , you might of thought you did, but you just dont treat someone any one ,
like how you done, Saddens me to think that is relay what you think or thought,
Now we are miles apart, separated by life, Should have been still going so strong,
Something deep in my soul just said enough is enough, I cannot be your emotional,
punchbag, I have been there before, and it definitely wasn`t fun. One of the greatest and
saddest times of my life, I thought you were so different, O How wrong can I get,

As i sit and listen to songs we both listened to , I remember the laughs, we had a good few,
it was never good enough was it, I wasn`t what you truly want. and you were never what ,
I thought you were, That is what thought gets me. I am much happier , i am free,
yes as free as a bird, I dont think i am to be captured and kept in a little cage,.
I am lightening on My Feet , Happier on My Own, No worries have i done anything wrong,
Walking on egg shells is defiantly not for me, You see i have been there before, and
will not return, To a caged life, I know i am better than that and i am not letting,
anyone treat me how you done.
Do You relay think i deserved all of that, all the fussing and fighting , the nastiness,
Was tasteless, It did not amuse me , You seemed to relay enjoy seeing my tears,
 is that your thing, You were good, You near had me, 6 foot under. The pain was heavy,
I have been here before , Pain is second nature to me, I Know i am worth much better,
than you could ever give me, All i wanted was your time , O how wrong of me,
It is okay, for i wont return,I am emotionally drained, That was you, That done that to me.
Are you relay happy, I am not at your side , You were never truly at mines, Shame,
wasted my time on someone like you, shame shame shame & I would of gave you so much,
Like i done, There was so much more to come, It was never good enough, You mocked
everything, Not a word to say that was good for anyone. To me that is truly sad, You cannot
say i never tried , How i tried , you were too blind, to see, now you do, not have me, Will
you even notice, No, I dont think so, you are to wrapped up in yourself. You will blame me.
Like you blame every one else except for yourself, it is never you , O No, Could`t be.

I dont know wether to pity you , or what i relay dont know what to think except of all you done.
It wasnt much but boy did it hurt, It was enough for me. Time to make my escape,
You cannot say i did not try, For i relay loved you, I put so much on the plate, You
took it all nothing in return , just your nasty tongue, & nasty thought`s, That is all they were ,
were thoughts , Yes some put into your head , by someone who is too negative for me, You seemed to thrive on every word , Now as i sit and reflect, On all that you done, No more tears, that
is for sure, you have totally drained me. No More pity for you, sadness yes, You chose what you wanted to do, I hope it all works out. I know it wont , that is another thing you were to blind to see,
Just how twisted it all got , yes i am gonna write about it, I have to to get it off my chest,
The weight of your words, They cut deeper than any knife, Now that knife has severed the ties,
That bonded, me to you, You squashed it good and true , you totally flattened it, Any
respect i had for you is gone, You definitely were not who i thought you were, To Me.
Just aswell we find out now, I could not expect any one to look upto you, You hold
yourself in such high regard, It saddens me to watch you sink , I tried to help you,
I relay did, it wasn`t to be, So I bow out gracefully & Thank you . Once again , for relay
I am much stronger than i thought i would ever be, Took a lot to keep back.

Knowing you are sitting by yourself when you could so have easily have been with me, maybe
it was me, maybe i read all the signs wrong , I should of ran away, At the very first sight,
Of you angry, No I thought i would stay and fight for what i was fighting for was a very worthy cause, That is how you got the defensive me, you asked for her, with all your accusations and
down right lies, You told me 1 time you were not a very nice person , I thought and said at the time especially to myself, No I know someone else, I can see the good in you, you have no Faith.
I cannot relay blame you, so many lies , no wonder your head questions every little detail,
Mirror it, the whole lot, You have now lost what i wanted to be to you.

It breaks me and it broke me to think you were never on my wave length, And i definitly,
do not want to be on yours. Now i have seen and heard all there is, Sad yes very very sad.
One day , one sunny day you will realize, I was far from desperate as you now know,
I have plenty of admirers, I am A very timid person normally, You twisted everything,
I had ever known and turned it into your disgusting thoughts , even having the cheek,
 of accusing me, Of so much , no now you know i have my own , Everything .
I definitly dont want for anything , As you now know, It Must make you feel so sad, then again ,
it wont you only think of you, And how wronged you have been , Not the wrong you
have done , O No Mr Perfect, sorry you are far from it, It Pains me to think of all
makes me angry ,  Not now though i have turned that anger into forgiveness.
I Pity you relay i do , Even that is wasting my time, every second you are in my thoughts,
I quickly chase you away, Blowing like a wind , blowing all you right out of my life.
I can even laugh at how miserable you all are , I couldn`t laugh for a wee while because of you,
Now i shrug my shoulders and wonder why did i come near, I should not have,

I will now, though never, let any one treat me, how you done ever, I have risen, From
a cold heart, To find i have a great heart , it is so full of love , and i will share it, How i
was supposed to do , its not just for the 1, My Love and Laugh is infectious, Do you,
know how? Do you even understand, its because i am real , you are too busy,
 bringing others down, I cannot live like that for i want to see, the good, In Everyone.
Till they show me different, Did you relay think i was that stupid, Now you know ,
am far from it, I can see as much as you if not more, in a different way, I have a diffrent,
Understanding , of all the ways now.

Totally different, You changed me, this no one likes, It is okay though , for i will survive,
I always do. I have been to hell and back many a time , I even have my on room,
You would probably agree, because you relay cannot see , all that i see, I am so glad ,
i see what i seen , for it let me know so much , too much at the time, give me time to process,
It all , It was all about you, You selfish little , I could swear but i wont lower my self,
Instead i will laugh at the silliness of it all , And when i said , to you , if i have nothing good, to
say, i do not talk at all. You should have listened a bit more too , To me, instead of stupid lies.
You no know they were all lies , yet you still had to keep on kicking and emotionally,
Draining all of me , Even down to my weight , You made me so confused,Due to the lies
The rubbish you spout hahah, Yip I can laugh , and i will and so will others , that relay
gets to you what others think , I couldn't give a shit , I am on this planet to live not for someone else not for you, for me and mines , You made me cold , I hope you are happy, with what you done.
As you sit there on your chair , looking around , you wont see me , you might see my ghost ,
In the shadows watching over you, If only you had the right way to thik , you would have seen
the Angel in me, Sorry you missed it, It is gone now like me only the memories,
I have wiped out even the pictures, so as that in my life is history that is not getting kept.
I usually never get rid of a picture, I had too, For all that i had done, You turned that nasty.
I could not even answer, dont flatter yourself though for i was never checking up on you ,
I do not have to be sneaky , I can feel your lies , from afar, Yip I can feel to ruddy much, Now ,
I wont be seeing or being in-touch, I have wiped you from my life, For all that was said and done,
was a lie, all based on lies , You were never yourself , too busy worrying what others are thinking you spoiled so much. Love I have plenty , And i ill share it , My Children they come first, In all
that happens in life they truly come first. Love light and Peace 
          

Love

Life is soar, Life is sweet,life is rough,We all love it.
Intentions can be good, Some not so, Some down right wrong ,
With every wrong is a right, that is the karmic law, Your credit card at the ready,
it was never away, I just didnt want to spend , I dont feel the times right,
I want it for something much bigger than any thing , I need it for ,
to bring a little boy back some Child lie in him, he has grown o so fast,
it has taken my breath away , Intervention should be swift, inspiration, is my gift,
Faith, hope & trust , they are always with me, why not see the good , why look for the bad.
yes it is dangerous, its more dangerous to leave that person be.
leave them to their own devices, Hmm , Why are you so angry, is it relay woman,
 you just dont like, or was that just me that brought such venom from your lips.

I could not taste that Love any more , You were so blind , I am so sorry to say ,
you defo missed , my frequency , You pushed many buttons , and i still never let rip,
You pushed me to my limit, & Im sure you secrtly enjoyed seeing me in such pain,
did it make you feel big , did you feel like a real man. You silly fool , you made yourself,
look so silly , was it the 40 year itch do men relay get that itch or was it just normal ,
selfish you,
love was an addiction you fed of mines , you fed it quite willingly, then when ,
i had the cheek to wake up and notice your selfish ways, You tried to turn that on me,
O no you cannot for it was never me, Now you will see,
Wake up, wake up, it is Morning, wake up in time, before you closed the door, I saw you creep away.
Love is truth, love is feeling , love is great, love is everything, Love is magic,
 love is precious , Love is priceless, Love is all around, love is hurt, love is pain,
Love is uncomfortable, love is within, Love is family, Love is an Art, love is for Sharing ,
Love is for caring , love is Effortless, love is unselfish Love is healthy, love is EVERYTHING.
 Especially when you are so cold, So ful of something maybe it is not hate maybe it is ,
bewilderment, Maybe maybe maybe, it relay doesn`t matter its the here and now,
That we are keeping still no , love will not let you keep still , Love will make you need,
 to share , just what is deep inside of us all , A very special place , called Love as simple as that .
Love light & peace  :)

Crossroads

The words seem to be flowing , the tunes are blaring and it makes me feel a contentment,
 a happiness, A Good flow or Vibe from me when i feel the beat , I feel as if i could,
climb a mountain, i remember an advert were the boy, climbs a high rise flat for a pkt of crisps,
Yes relay only for a bag o crisps , was a great message , he loved this type of crisp,
& would do any thing to get a pkt,.
Wonder what that wee laddie is doing with his life now, if he climbs those stairs,
 for a different type o pkt a pkt o death, Or does he maybe even live there now .
He looked so admiringly at those flats as if he knew he would be back and he knew.
Life knew, I relay don`t know what ever happened to that boy am just talking , Of loads of others ,
i once knew , they are not here in this day and age the sacrifice they gave was their life`s,
I have lost so many thoughout the years , such a a horrible path, You do not see,
at the time, You think you are all nice and protected , No far from it , when these little grains
run out , you will look and climb any mountain to obtain that feeling of warmth serenity, It
Relly is dull , when you waken you will see , all i do is help others now i am free,
I can help others i have broken this cycle before your Children see, or it will never stop,
This addiction will carry  on throughout time. It relay is not all it is cracked up to be , believe me,
I have seen the destruction it leaves in its wake and not just 1 type a lot of types ,
They all cross each-other off thinking they are better because , of their chosen drug,
No You do not see, The foil as it burns , You will  not see those little grains as they,
 turn the color of T, In the hay day the fun was to get it as dark as the darkest of T,s, Or let it
beetle onto the foil and suck it right up not wasting any fumes, poor you, You have no idea,
of what awaits , its not all fun when the drugs , dont work,
For this is what happens if you abuse them when you are young , You confuse your,
 receptors, They have, no clue, what you want, them to do, 2 people i know of now, said the ( drugs dont work), On there death beds. They were so right for they did not help many i know/knew,
So sad to have lost so many good friends , not just to a drug induced state, Too the complications of putting this stuff into your body , it has its consequence, Actions , reaction , Consequence,
maybe i have it in the wrong order but it still all counts out, The drug don't really work ,
Seemingly if you are in pain more than 20 minutes , then you are causing the pain, To Yourself.
I am so glad i was able to break the cycle , it was not easy when all around me were having loads,
I did not want any more enough is enough. & I haven`t looked back , I have went bk not
meaningfully, It was a test and i was strong as per, You cannot pull me with that , That just makes me run want to run so fast an never come back, For i know what it does how it makes you feel,
its loving arms , ready to drop you like a hot potato, once it has you were it want`s.
You have to be strong, it takes a certain type of person to be this strong , I dare you to try it and come tell me when you are 1 year clean, Until then keep far, I know now i will never see you again,
For i don`t cannot watch , now i know, what i know, about you and the little grains , yip
that is all it takes, Little packets of white or brown grains, & You are happy for what !!?
1day,1hour, 20 mins then. Reality hits home , you have to go get some more what a life,
I am so glad , Yes nice people take drugs too , But Its a different type o person who takes Dirty too.
You have to change everything about your whole being everything, Out with the Old an in with the New , Now that is very fitting , Here on this subject , I have loads more to share loads , I lived some life , maybe its been more for i feel i have lived 100 peoples life`s for them, this i do not mind , because yeeharr ya wee beauty . I AM STRONG....Love light & Peace .

It has not been an easy journey , and i know for all that do take this journey it is hard , & the hardest, part, is staying away from the drug ,  screaming your name at 1 point nearly leaving the indentations,
in your  heart & emotionally scared for life You do not see all this till some of clears the mist that was once now gone an reality hits home. Of all You gave to those stupid little grains, like grains of sand < Blown with such ease like the hands of time, never seizes to amaze me, or remind me,
of what i never want to be, I might of moaned and done loads but i never had to steal , Or lie,
Those morals have been with me for life maybe that is why i broke away so free, when all around there was plenty to be had, Help youself,.
The more you get clean , the more your so called friends step back , you even feel you do not,
belong and on thinking & Reflection , I should never have walked that path but it was so easy ,
and so easily led, I was too numbed & Dumb, follow orders , That is what i done,
for a quiet life. You have to want to change that is the biggest battle of them all , & Staying off
as your demons will let you know, their displeasure at not giving into their satisfaction, The
More you say no, the stronger you will become,It was n`t just the 1 drug that satisfied our lust,
No we had to try most not if all of them. The 1 i will stick to is Cannabis, You have to learn to control the drugs not let them, control you. Do not think after 1 failed attempt , that should be it , no if at first you do not succeed do it again and again if need be .
Your so called friends the druggy type , O how they shun you for getting clean , how they think wrongly ,, that you think yourself better, no its not because i think i am better, I dont want to be licking the carpet or the window , when my child gets home from school. I want to better,
all that i can , is that so wrong!! To change my ways , |NO.It definitely is not. Not by my reckoning or any one else`s just 1 or 2, Like those little demons sitting on your shoulders for what feels like eternity,
They see you are clean yet the offer you some, even saying they bought it for you, the kick in the teeth had to come, when you kindly offered something you said you would never have, That threw me for 6, did you know , if there was an ulterior motive, was this to try and bate me back in to kill me,
I wonder , was that your plan along, Did you even know , did you care what you done to me,
Nope its the nature of the drug, people lose all sense (common). Surley you , wern`t trying
to kill me. That was just 1 in a multitude of things you said and done wrong , You led me in a different path stole part of me, & I want it back, all of it. I know it wont be, for I do not even want to be near you, As if you hate me , the way you spat words , Now lets see who needs the kick in the ass.
It definitely is not me, I have went my 50 rounds with what ever you threw at me , I did not falter , o yes i let out a lot of tears at frustration of the rubbish from the years ,. You definitley did not win for
me ,and i cannot see you win for any body , Life is short and o so cruel these evil ,wee twists of fate,
How the do their Circles not missing any one, You see i had to get straight for all that came , you were to busy doubting me, & Reminding me, you said it was me talking , no i told you 1 or 2 times before , if i have nothing good to say i just don`t speak, You should definitely, try it some time and have a heart , cause that thing you have is not even made of tin, Just as-well it wasn`t gold for She /heroin is much Pricier than any precious, jewel, it costs you your life, I am not relay that lucky to have come out this side , I have not come though all this emotionally clean, For i lost greatly to the Drug scene,
I sometimes sit an reflect of all that was when we were in our o so younger days , days seemed so long the nights so long , we were bored so we thought we will try what every body else is screaming about , that first time made me sick as a dog, never went back for years, Then when we did,
O deary me we were not just greedy , we had a very hi tolerance , dangerous level, not a thought,
as to our well being , Not a care. Now if only i could turn back the hands of time, would i do so much differently, No I honestly dont think i should if i could, for it has molded me to be me,
& for this i can pass on my wisdom to so many , & They listen that i know for sure , the people,
That got clean , just because they had a little faith in me, not even knowing me, Its good to,
hand these virtual reality hands of mines out. If i didn`t , then i would be stuck , in my will,
full blindness i will call it , for it wasn`t a total waste for i learn`t plenty.  Of different people`s ways,
I was already aware , well aware , That is why i do not talk or listen , relay i have heard it before,
The ones who set the hurdles before they have even begun, they are not even wanting to be clean,
They want to be In a state, its a shame because you always have to take more, Those $£, you started out with , have now turned into worthless grains of wasted time , Can you relay not see what it is doing to you,  too Blinded wrapped up in a false security,  I Fell for you i know the shakes the rattles the rolls the wanting to take your limbs of and throw them far and wide the aching in your muscles the pain you feel , When you have none? Its a pain like no other so you think, Think again look out side take a good look , look at what you are missing , the cars going past in the street let them resemble , your years Going by , The older you get the faster the time and so  much less time to do it all in ,
Especially if you were in a drug induced  time, the time would have flew, and it did for us all,
The ones that are left , not many if we count , O How sad the 80,s relay was and should of been so fill of so much instead we filled it with drugs , we done loads more , we were the lucky ones we had access all areas , We were and still are Trusted , We did not steal, cheat or lie , we did not have to
It was the 80,s it was near handed to us all on a plate, herion or Methadone , green Liquid synthetic,
smack, The nick names for the stuff are relay relevant,The harm this causes , and it supposed to be harm reduction ? So Quick to throw this at everyone in the 80,s think it was the Aids had you running , scared Governing Officials, You made people sign a piece of paper declaring we wanted and need this stuff?? You were the Professionals. You should have known instead of using us as Guinea pigs,
The paper we signed is of no use we were not of sound mind. That alone is and should be enough to win in a court of law, Yes am clean but what of all the others that tried and failed the ones who are not by my side the ones who cannot , Stand up and talk or shout , of just how unjust this all seems.
Now i know what i know , you set out to do this to as many as possible, And ofcourse, we
would have took it willingly we were not of sound mind, we only wanted to be stoned block out the misery, If only i knew that was causing the misery, Once i realised the mistake , I quickly rectified
and tried to save what was left, You done so well too , 7 weeks clean then diagnosed,
With stage 4, They thought you wanted your prescription back another statistic, You became ,
All the time you were in agony , these stupid doctors could not see for years we had been stoned, we wanted awake , |I was, Then you , Then Boom . Life as we knew it changed from every perceivable corner, None irretrievable, The lessons learn`t , the hard way , Life`s were lost & Changed
Do not expect the same me, I am not bitter , i was , for a bit , till i got rid of that weight of my back,
I dont want to see it back, It has caused me so much grief , I know not to go back.
for my Childrens sakes and my own I Love life , You cannot beat being naturally high.
The buzz is intense, the feelings you thought dead , everything you thought you were going to hide,
It has to come out some were , And i am not an emotional punch bag for no one. Emotionally can leave deeper scars ,than the action itself, So be very careful Not everyone that smiles at you is your friend , question dont be so opened armed, You might just let the enemy in, Keep all at a safe distance till you know , they are what they claim to be, Let them prove to you, Actions Speak Louder Than Any Words . Selfish that is what i see , Its all about you , nobody else has lived its only you, that
knows it all . You might know a good bit but never ever think you know it all because believe me you don`t, far from it , Like minded people , Yes i see , I am  definable, am not like you,
You haven`t even tried , You place yourself in such hi regard , no one else does. You think away.
I Know people think difrentley of what you thought of me, You were blinded by little grains of shit .
Te people that warned me , thank you and sorry for not listening, I stupidly thought, This was
going to be so different.
I leanr`t so much , most of it BS, That is all good too because that means you relay dont have a clue
Of all the heartache has taught me , and you never will . Good bye little miss Heroin, Or little miss Negativity, YoU Played with my head for years there is no danger you will ever get that close again.
I made mistakes haven`t we all , I can talk of mines cause as i say i dont steal, cheat or lie . Now you know that for yourself, I dont care about others thoughts, That doesn`t concern me ,an relay neither do yours, You stick to your half i know there is better waiting for me, Hiding from you , now i am free . Free to do as i like within reason, I always do , I am, not greedy like you. Thankfully
for me also i was never greedy maybe that is how it was so easy to get of, No I was greedy,
I even used to say that , on reflection "I am not greedy " "I just need more " Because i have a higher tolerance. Fool that i was , Yip I am 1 of the lucky ones. To clear all the hurdles set out infront,
 of me , very clever my higher beings that look out for me. I thought you were well aware ,
I am protected , for a reason i dont even know, just that were ever i go people want to be my friend
real friend not what i can give them Materially, Honesty and genuine that is like minded
to me, You said you were a nasty person 1 time , i thought na you are not right , but you were
you even told me , and i think we definitely should have left it loads of places, I thought better to whether the storm , & I am glad i did just to show you, Not everyone is as you claim for i
am definitely not out for what i can get ever , What i can give always not to receive,
Saddens me you still think like this after all i have shown you, I am Unique, Not for you
though , no , You are too selfish for me I need to share . I need to do so much , mind i was sleeping so i feel i have to catch up, Even though i have done plenty, I wont stop till its my last breath
my loved ones are worried for me , Not now i have set it all straight , You are twisted, And sad.
I am so glad i could stand tall , were would i be now licking the gutter you would have been quite happy to see that, so so sorry to disappoint, The only way i would be near a gutter with you,
is because you had fallen in t, yes i would still help , That is me , I even have to cut these ties.
it pains me , for i thought so wrongly , & Now i have paid the price, yes am here to tell the tale
the sacrifice`s many, Life 1 heap o shit at times but hat is what is life, that is why when you
are enjoying yourself , make it last, Do Not cut any one down for you will be left with no one wanting to laugh with you, Its not only you that suffers we all do, Grief is a painful process no one can put a time on it , You never get over it, you learn to live with it, & All the details , I have only
skimmed the surface on this part of our life`s,.. Love light & peace            




I

Out with the Old

Out with the old, Hmm Is any thing ever old , does every thing have a life expectancy,
Yes as far as i have seen so far , Life is Beautiful, When things are right, When things are,
wrong, its not so good , If any thing it totally drains me . The more you try the harder it ,
seems to become, Especially if someone is making your words sound wrong , No they are not ,
Wrong I am just empathic on every subject , My Knowledge of a lot of things you could never even dream of , How many times I have said out with the old and in with the new, yes when i get a ne suite or a new cooker or carpet even , Yes out with that, And of course out with the , negative, thoughts,
I am a fool sometimes not stupid far from it , even though some might think stupid fits nope,
mirror it, everything you say and you do , Make sure you dont turn into what thought could,
break you, Its so easy to become twisted and bitter, it relay is not worth the brain space,
You Only hurt yourself more with your thoughts stop trying to think so much ,
dont analyze everything you say and do , its not your problem others are too blind to see.
How much you relay tried, ofcourse they couldn`t imagine someone who is relay nice, genuine.

It is such a nice feeling to make people smile to let them know they are never alone, There is,
always someone to turn what you try to do into what their disgusting and down right nasty,
thoughts. That is why sometimes you have to get rid of the old and let the new in, The old,
keeps you from spreading your wings, You think they will come back, yes to twist the knife
even harder and deeper, Than you ever thought possible , That is some people for you,
thank fully they are few and definitly keep themselves hidden from sight, till the see, an opportunity
To come into your happy home and spread their negativity, No Never let that be, You as a person
deserve much better than this , I dont look for nothing in return for my acts, am i a fool,
No I Know i am far from it , due to the friend`s i do have i know they dont twist things,
they know me for me and that is what and who they love and i love my friends for being there.
 they help so much , so this type of old never through out, People will come and go throughout your life the real ones stay, the ones who look for nothing in return, except for your love , your
guidance, its all they know, If i can give them that virtual hand , then i do not see why not.
Its a shame some are so selfish that they dont do nothing for nothing always a motive for their gain and they make sure they get every penny , every ounce, Everything you held dear, they try to,
Rubbish not even realizing what they do , those are the sad amongst us, I never look for nothing ,
Anything i recieve is a bonus from the love that i give freely to like minded people, others definitly,
No, I do feel sorry for your twisted head , it was never my doing , you let it get told and mixed with lies were you did not know , who to trust. I wouldn`t trust who you have chosen , Goodluck
There is so many lovely people out there , i have still to meet , I have met some Great people over the
years , not even knowing their names for that doesn`t matter , its the person , I seem
to have loads in common, With everyone anyone, Friends that look after my every move,
Thank you , i know what you are saying now, sorry i did  not listen before , i am listening now,
& I know its never to late ever to change your ways, For this i know for sure, I had to change mines,
Some say i have not changed for the better , I cannot help that i am , that disgusted , with the way
people think and talk , It leaves me with a foul taste in my mouth.

Never judge another for you relay dont have a clue, You might be able to sympathize,
Please do not embaress your self thinking you could ever empathize, You have not walked
the walk So do not even try the talk till you have walked at least 1 mile , or even 1 hour in my head, You would never handle it, Ever if that is you, You only saw the lies, What a sin, your head
is liter-lay mince, That is all good , for it showed me another side to you all one that i will run from and keep running to never come back, Do Not flatter yourself either, far from it you are a cruel
lesson, A horrid twist of fate in my time i have been through loads , but you, you took
the biscuit the cheese butter and even the plate, Nothing in return except for doubts, it truly is so sad,
You even think this way . That is all you know , wow , i am so glad i  was shielded from,
From that life so so glad , No wonder My Husband done what he done he was a very great man , some have ripped his memory it now they think lies in tatters no not at all, if any thing you
have strengthened, Al the ties all the lies are now out in the open and we now decipher who was telling who, & Who was kidding who And who tricked who, ha yo all make me laugh,
The sad amongst you, its you that gives me my strength, To fight another day to see the beauty
in it all is something else , you would never understand your intelligence is so limited. yet you
have the nerve to think you know it all??, No one knows it all and never will , You just keep
to what you do best , And i will do what i do best.
I Love to see people do good , i love to hear, I love to see the look in their eyes
, the pride i feel alone knowing i caused that smile knowing what i know , I Know all will
work out it always does, Always will , I am not in a mess with my thoughts , far from it i have never been clearer, And my thoughts are with us all , Man kind , Woman kind, Children kind , Animals
Plants everything breathes around me , That tells me i have plenty to give as i can start a seed,
I Can start , I can finish , this feeling inside of me , it is easily wiped out, So So Easily ,
Once i was told of a few things , i had chosen not to listen before, Shame I woke right up ,
For everyone that causes people grief, Do Not deserve to mix with others , Others dont
like your negativity , It seems to be the in word negativity, Thank fully there is enough positive
Positivity definitely is the way forward not back, learn to love yourself , before you go shouting of others , you talk of respect, i bet you could not even spell the word. Loyalty that just makes
me laugh, especially, thinking of you. I have had real loyalty real love and i always will , Because people love what i have to give ME, No Ulterior motive , Just what you see you definitely, dont get!!
And you never will for your brain is clouded and always will be . I Like to see clearly, especially,
For what might come before i would not have gave it a second thought , not now i have a whole new way , Love is definitely the answer, Took me a long time to finely realize, I am nothing like any of you , I am Unique, & believe it so are YOU.          
  

Woken

When i woke up
When i got straight
You tried to get me back ,and i could have come
 back so easily back, Into your cloud like Arms. Thankfully, I
Am strong and never took you back , Madame Heroin . Yes you never leave,
 the nagging, as if on both shoulders shouting. The more you say NO,?
The Stronger yu will become, Believe me, I Know what am talking about,
from Experience i can, empathize with just about any subject, Due to I Have Lived ,
such a life , i have walked many paths all leading me right back to home and the security blanket , home provides,
I searched far and wide, to settle this addiction of mine, I have an addictive personality ,
My Addiction now , is fixing what and were i can, I have fixed me not all , just the bad and,
The Ugly, Down right ugly,It is so sad to watch , it rips me inside, to know, of these ,
Little grains, these that everyone would kill for, Kill their own family, steal from their own,
Now what kind of drug could mae you do all of that , What i have written is nothing compared ,
To what Some do, I had it easy , others every day is a new battle, Everyday , out on the hunt,
Like a hunter looking for his prey, I even thought you were going to get me,Thankfully,
I was and am 0ne of the lucky ones, I remember a scared mum asking me 1 time, Her daughter,
had started the slippery road, She had been on it two years and am sorry to say it takes 20,
or more before you relay decide enough is enough, Drugs just weren`t me, I am better alive free from any substances, Just me fresh from my head, It feels good and clean. Why would i ever want to go back, Now that would be so stupid now even i would call me stupid if i were to walk , that walk ever again, I even went looking for comfort and some reassurance, all i got was rubbished and everything twisted , were i thought i was better, No Its not i think i am better, I just want to be awake ,
I dont want to lick the carpet , the windows, the any thing any more, now i have been hurt once again,
I will stick to who and what i trust, they do not try to ply me with Heroin, They know of my battle.
& Would never even dream, Of saying they got some for me, That isn`t a friend , that is Death A So Called Friend with a Death wish , For me, You might not see, You are too busy worrying( ME),
Trying O how you tried to get me to try, You can lead a horse to water, yes it will sample,
But if its got sense, It wil run , Just like me when i realized , you never loved me, you only wanted to see what you could get, well I am not wasting my time on you ever again so glad to see you have,
gone I wont say never to return, I dont like the word never, As it usually comes bk to haunt you,
So dont take her into your loving arms little miss heroin is much more expensive than any other drug, As You Inhale those little Grains and feel that cotton wool feeling O It feels good O so good , Shield you from all , You think, till you have none left and then you have to go look for some,
going to all the different doors that sell those little grains, Themselves just as addicted, these little people are not the ones the police want the police call them the little fish, its the sharks that is wanted, to stop the supply of these little grains, The karma I believe is death, If you keep on going with your
addiction, You truly have to be strong to walk away and keep away from tjhose tiny little grains of
DEATH.
The friends i have lost throughout the years to early far to early , these little grains so strong they took a lot of lives , Every day some one new , And will continue to take , Everything from you ,
You will have nothing left, not even a breath, For now you have a types of illnesses, it is truly sad,
To see someone you knew , change into this monster that is in front of you, Not all people,
are bad that take drugs, This drug , I dont know, you have to be bad to get to it, You have to be sad,
To Think She would dream of keeping you safe . No All She wants is your money and then your life, And you will give her it, Life is a bitch then you meet little miss Heroin, Life truly becomes a bitch with her at the helm, She knows how to take you for a ride of a lifetime one you might never get back from, I did, If i can , I know others can It took me over 20 years to realize what have i done to my insides, What have i done to my life, What have i done to my Everything for being alive.
All I can say now is i am clean i am so so so sorry for putting you through , what i put you through,
You would of been so worried, For all those years , I was not me I was in love with the little,
Grains, Not now though i can walk on by , and not ever look back, thanks for the ride , little miss heroin, Thanks for all you have taught me , now i know i will not be back 7 years is a long time,
nearly 8, yes you still sit like a little Devil on my shoulder but now who`s the one in Control not you my lass o No Not You , I took a hold of things just in time , Before everything changed,
In Our life`s , never to be the same. Yet now i am free of you, I cannot believe , others will try,
to get you back on without even realizing how daft they are, They dont offer you gold and diamonds no they offer you Death .

Lovely

Were did the Love go, Not round that corner, nor that one, Were are you, I have searched so hard, my heart is heavy , Was so sad, to watch you miss, The signs, I tried, did i try, But , you , keep doubting,
Kept Doubting , Why , do you not believe , someone to be genuine , I am maybe , more fool me as i have come to learn, The paths of , Love never run Smoothly , But someone putting in the mix , none no favors , I am Hurt , So Hurt , You Did not have the Faith in me,I Know you are going to sit there and think, Why did , you have to do what you done , You pulled everything to pieces , pulled and everything i do is wrong , O so wrong in Your eyes, O I wish you had of mirrored so much before we got so far, Not to worry lesson learn`t . I Hear you loud and clear , I should have listened way back ,
I actually thought , you cared , You loved, me , Now i will sit and reflect all , Sad as it makes me ,
I have thanked you, to awakening me to some of the ways , of this World, thank fully not everyone i know lives your life, I definitely, am not on your frequency , as a matter i dont think many will be,
You are so correct , You forget, You were once young, naive, i know i was, I led quite a shelterd,
life compared,  Thank fully my friends , Are not of your`s. You were and always will hold a special place in my heart for you let me see, You stripped  my ego my being completely bare , I always ,
forgive , Forgetting now, that is a different story , It is hard to forget what you ment to me , all
I wanted was to show you, how, No, that was not good ,enough, i had to be after, something , some kind of plan, Shame, you will never know what could of been, You may think and even imagine, I cannot go back and neither can you, for you have done a lot , Of mixing , getting things wrong, You are,
now getting the blame,You messed with my head , When i was low, did you think to stop kicking , no not once, You went on the lies, and you enjoyed what you done, spitting words at me, That soon
you were to understand, not fully for you will never know, Just what you dont to my head , at the time , not now , now i am stronger for everything i heard, everything, was so twisted and untrue, spoke
with such venom, I wasn`t stealing you, Far from it , I was adding to you , So many warned me and asked me , why, I was confused as to why , not now, .
They say nothing happens by coincidence, I relay wonder if that is true, Was i to learn these lessons fast , I sure was , As per i did not decipher fast enough, Now i feel blue, I will get over it, as,
I always do.

I always have , You were another lesson i was to learn so fast, lessons not just 1, What i know for sure , I will quote , Laugh with many but Trust no one, That is just 1, I taught you so much , you
were to busy doubting my every move, You never even saw , what was in store for you,Blinded
by lies. Of-course i am hurt , I was hurt , I suppose it will be a wee scar on my heart , Definitely not my ego , you flattened that . I am not a shell though far from it, And the right know, I should never have came near you, A glutton for Punishment . Have a great laugh, you got all and more , So
I have been told, yes your gossip is reaching my ears , o how sad and vulgar your mouth, When
you feel you have been wronged , not a thought for the other , no , just you , and how every thing effects you, Not a thought not a care. Yes i am sorry I came near , Spoiled , your dream,
Of me , No I am not that person , you imagines for i know i am much better than that, & Now you
know it too, sad it has took you this long. To see through all the Bull.

Now you have pushed me to far, I would have come running , if i hadnt went on a hunch, You
even lied 3 times there too , Without even realizing , just what you were saying , sorry i caught you on the hop , I am Truly I am . I thought you were so different , my how wrong could i be,
The emotional scars you cost me, and now you sit and think of me while you are hurting, When
all you done was kicked me, You willingly take my Everything all i have to give, then you go and do something totally stupid, & The best of it is you cannot see , You are still kicking me everything i do is wrong , To you , you talk of things you know nothing about , yet you think you know it all.
We should have parted ways years ago as our paths did not cross, we crossed , so much,
yet so near and so far. Your mind forever playing games , sorry , i haven`t the time left to,
play silly school games, i haven`t got another 30 years to prove to any one , & neither i should have to be, proofing myself to you, yet i did like a fool , I had to , I couldn`t leave all that rubbish in your head.

Now , I will not Mix, No more talkin of you, You hurt me good 1 bitten twice shy, I was so shy,
and so scared. Yet you seemed to enjoy seeing me in a state? You seen and caused me a great deal of grief, with your horrid words. Not a thought as to who might hear , no not a care, No one,
can look upto you, you hold yourself , in such high regard, When u tumble it will be from a height , you put yourself there, with your talk and listening to others , Talk No You are not someone special.
Yes you are just any one, I have been asking and it is not nice, people are mocking me , for even coming near. That i can handle , i will laugh it off , for the lessons learn`t . Not all who smile at you are your Friend , watch for the ones dressed as sheep, for they are relay the wolves , the sneaks,
Sad we have to watch everyone around us in this manner, its so true , it is sad, I am still going to be me. I have changed people inform me, o yip i have changed , if you had been through what i have been through i think , it would definitely change you.
The love of my children is unconditional , I will never stray far, I am forever at their side at every leap they take and i will keep on being there as long as i breathe , for i want the best for my Children , Not second or third , Only the best, I will Give them the Tools and the Ammo for life its up to them how they decipher, their lessons that they have to learn. I just hope all that i have learn`t they have been listening , I know they have , they tell me it all , every little thing , people forget remember the children forget nothing at all. Little elephants , Keep every thing stored and even blow me away, With what
is actually remembered in their brains. For my children alone i have to be an example,
And i have to sift through , who is right and wrong for us , not just me. I cannot afford for them to see some things , yes i will tell them but not show, Only Words to explain, of which , I wil do my best , to keep my children from straying of their track. i cannot stop their hstory but i can cushion the
blows, Maybe i am doing wrong but it feels right , so i will go with my intuition and my children`s word, Children are very good judges of characters, espcal y ones who are not what they seem,
Children can spot these , Roaches clean and very fast , especially if they are coming into their,
Home.
Life is a bitch and then you marry 1 , is a saying i use quite a lot, Maybe i should not use it any more,
Words can hurt , without even realizing , This i have learn`t the hard way , but i am thank full for all lessons, i learn it brings me closer to who i truly am . Light & Peace , is Love and that i have plenty of , People know me for sharing , because that is what has become of me throughout the years,
I will shed light on any ones darkness as i have said to many and many times , The light and the love is for sharing . There is different, types of love , I Posses all of them its just pouring from me.
To Not see , I know you can feel , you told me so , I do feel & care to much , I Know i do and that
is why , I am Getting on and sharing with the ones who matter , they are always there no
doubts just wanting to see me, Not for any thing but my company . Now isn`t that nice .
LOVELY, It is so refreshing to be wanted just for me , No Hidden agenda`s in My Pride.
O its so nice to be of my kind , to help out were an when i am wanted is what makes me.
Some are too selfish for this act, you can only give so much and take so much , without ever giving back , That is not right , you should never look for something in return for any thing that you do , it should be from the heart , not an ulterior motive, am Just saying be careful cause there is loads ,
of people like that looking for something and giving nothing in return and still expecting more , even after all that , and silly me i would probably jump at the chance , I was going too, again more fool
me.  This is not finished yet for my heart is scared and i am far from happy how and what you done.
I will return to this one fine day and you will return with me , & you will see , just what you truly could of had All for you in me. My Heart was vulnerable, so blinded by History , yet you never shed any light no you , Put out the light, Or should i say you tried , till i realized all your talk was of rubbish.
It definitely wasn`t me . Now you will see, What could have been if only you had of had Faith in me,
Of-course i got scared always u seemed to be hurting me, No It wasn`t hurt you were trying to make me see,?? Its ok I can see so much clearer without the tears obscuring my way. Each to their own , and I so chose you, now i slap myself and say , Why did I Put myself through that?, I cannot,
answer. All I Know is , You hurt me good . Not so good O no Far from it , You truly are sad,
I know one day you wont even know of what you put me through, all i had to prove back all your viscous lies . Life is for the living , and definitely not for mocking the dead . That has to be a sin itself .
Out of your head , You still are , and always will be , no more help from me you are there already well before you met me. Love is the answer to your life . You need someone to show you, You would,
not see , Your dirty mind would not let you, O so sad, Your brain is, Twisting everything ever said and you say its me , Go On make it worse keep it going , never shutting up that is what i have become to know as you, no matter what , it sits and ferments like a poison, in your head , growing arms and legs so fast no one else has time to think . You stick like glue to your dirty we thought`s , I have bigger fish,
to fry , you a little Goldfish in this sea called life 1 little blip that is all we all r relay , Let me see , how the fish grow , and story`s grow , almost as big as a tree or as high as the sky they go , not a doubt in your head, it could very wellbe wrong but nope you are never wrong , ever , I mean to say,
All the best with that1 , Life is a continuation , your soul wonders free, whilst you sleep.
Comes back and fils in all the holes that you thought deep, All Covered nothing to hide , stand back nothing to see here either, Its only a fable a story of what could of been, A Book inside all written.
The end chapter in sight , All is looking good , For some things , but that is life , You live and people come and go now that is what is being real .Love Light & peace :) 
 

Death

I fear , death is coming to visit,  , us all , 1 wise man , I heard him say , "Death smiles at us all son and all we can do, is smile back". He never went kicking and screaming , he went quietly , laughing at all,
that he was to endure, Even when first told you have CANCER, His reply?, left both the Doctor and myself , Shocked to say the least, He knew, I knew, We both said , it was coming , something was coming, To break up our so happy home, Our life`s turned on their heads, the lights suddenly,
went out, Nothing ever to be the same again, life as it once was , never to return , after that sentence was spoken. Death we knew was Definitely coming, It was 9 Months of , never ending visits,
To and from the Hospital, Every week , it all went by so fast, that I forgot How to laugh.
I was so Busy caught up making life as comfortable as i can for us to live this out in some kind of peace. That wasn`t to be far from it,The so called family , The Mother especially, She knew how to,
Kick especially when her son was down , Dieing he was but you could not even give him 1hour of ,
your precious time,.

I will never forget that day , You came to visit , to find out what was wrong with your son, When told
he had lung Cancer, You did not change , your look ,Your younger son was in Hospital having not a,
live saving operation , a body fixing operation, that would easily heal, Not your oldest son though, he was not to heal, Yet when that phone went , you jumped as if to attention , you could not wait to get out of that room that house , get rid of some tension, ha you were a clown , A Mother , O I hope i never ever turn like you, My You blew me away , with your disgusting behavior.  Your eyes gave so much away, You would have torn him in 2 , if i had, of let you, no i am his wife, You his Mother , yet you called him a liar, Looking for attention. When did he ever look for attention, tell any of you lie`s. So so Sad What a let down.
I am still angry as his wife and mother to his children , how you as a mother could be so cold,
heartless, Cruel , you never stopped , till i had to rise up , even then you thought i was wanting to argue , with you, no my dear , Time for you to do your motherly thing, its far Different from My thing,
No wonder he kept me away , From You, You truly are a poisen, You called me a black widow,
1 time, ha, Now who is calling the kettle pot black!!!
Red with Rage i was with you at 1 time, how could you do that to your dieing son, My Husband ,
I will never understand you , Or Forget any of it, it Plays over in my mind like an old film.

Now you face the same battle as your son, I would never wish that on any one , I seen the Pain,
The tears, The change from My Strong Husband to a totally different character, You would not of probably recognized, Due to you , Always having the sniffles when you were to come and visit, none of us relay knew , how the time would fly, It sure done that , Flew so fast , There is so much i have missed out here , All his suffering , a good bit of it should not have been, Even the last 2 weeks he had something called (alladenia, )& I Cannot spell it properly, or think properly, of the word, All I remember,
Is it was a side effect to the drugs, The drugs were having some kind of reaction, Were they were reversing there opiate effect and doing the complete opposite of what they were supposed to do, So Ironic, The Drugs did not work . Reversing their effects . Making him suffer as much as it,
 possibly could , tearing you to shreds , All i could do was keep you as comfortable as i could,
You even laughed at the dr who told you of this illness , Even at the hospital when they told us it,
Stage 4, I had done my research. I had my dreams , 3 weeks from finding you in my dream life ,
you were diagnosed 9 months later gone, after 30 years , yes of-course am still reeling,
Grief effects us all differently, No 2 the same , not one of us is right or wrong in our dealings with things, these could be our lessons, In Life , They come in all forms an guises. Its up to you,
the individual, in you , to decipher, what truly is for you, Your destiny , your path is already ,
mapped out , in the stars , As That man said Death smiles at Us all and all we can do is Smile back when it truly is our time, We Must go , to this next world that awaits us , I am sure , i seen ,
In the dream , my Hubby Showed me heaven or were he was so i would leave after finding him, in this dream, I had our son so I had to go back, From this beautiful island i found You waiting for me to draw up , I and our youngest, delighted to finally find you, You were not smiling though, I was Miffed as to why, i had been searching for years , in my dream life, For no luck , then this night i find you and i cannot even touch, not even a little kiss for all my troubles for i had searched far and wide,
As I drew upto the wooden platform , in this the last dream, You told me , I had to go You,
were not coming but you were safe look around me, You will be every were, I firmly believe,
you have been , sometimes I am too Blinded by what has been to see, I cannot see the woods,
for the tree,s. Now on reflection I can SEE so much clearly now, yip I Understand, You should
not have led me the way you did, you know aswell as me now that was so wrong of you and selfish,
You stopped me being me, Why , I was so Genuine and pure , why did you, not just let me be, when you knew, I Know you  knew , now i do Know for sure. Life is so full of questions, I was to ask,
The right questions and i would get the right answers , always a riddle always a game what ever happened to that man i knew the man I Loved and he Loved me Too. Not what it became,
We couldn`t even talk , then the last 2 years , Why I ask myself , and then the end result , My how Cruel A Twist , a nip A Rip That is never to be fixed , people will forget, People will remember you with Love not the horror you became especially to me. Yet even when we found out, Things were going to change weather we wanted it or not, Higher beings at work again, And again You never listened, A lot of people chose not to listen at their own peril, Others made up their minds, even
Mocking , in judgement . Yes its life that is what people do , Some , The sad , amongst us,
there is a few, I have found this out , at a great cost , it near Killed the person inside, It definitely,
Left my Pride , Ego In tatter`s , is that what you set out to do , me in my will full blindness.
Looking for some kind of comfort , ha ha, instead you pulled and you picked , every thing .
Till everything was black inside, All My memory`s now lain in tatters , O Not now ,
Now I can seriously Thank you . You taught me plenty , not all good far from it,
You taught me fast that friends are not , relay who or what they claim to be , everyone has
a sad reason to want to talk to you, it is not relay to talk to you, it is what you have to offer.
Sad yes it is , for now everyone , i have to treat differently, Not treat but think differently of ,
of everyone`s intentions , do they want to see me or is it what i have inside , I truly,
 dont mind sharing , All the things that have come , i will gladly share with like minded people.
Not the ones who think they knwow it all , no one knows it all , I sure wish someone did,
So Till Then I will carry on this merry dance called LIFE. Go with the flow of it all, That
seems to work for me , do not make plans they never work out, I have found through time,
Life is far from slow, one min you are sweet sixteen all the years, in-front , then you are eighteen , legal, then twenty one, You have reached these milestones in life , what have you learnt,
Plenty you think, you think you know it all, Then you wake up one day and you are in your
Forties , Wondering How the .... Did that happen , were did it go , these years go by so fast.
I am lucky I had a lot of fun throughout those years. The next years I feel have been the hardest, Due to it was lessons i was to learn when younger, I had no Choice , I was easily led. These lessons came fast and thick and dont seem to be stopping any time soon , Once you realize, the time is now short, You realize , Or you have so much to do with such little time left. it can leave the task at hand,
daunting, Even too Much to think of releasing it all out through a book . Could i be truthful,
Could I , I ask Myself , I question myself , I Hope so , For I never ever tell lies that is one thing i know for sure , I was conditioned , even my body language , even a raised eyebrow , everything was analyzed, So I just kept my head down and got through with great effort for my children, Sorry you had killed what was for you, It came back as it always did , I done the dutiful wife, Even
though no matter what i done , I gave my best evn knowing in the end I would be the one who still
got the kick in the teeth, You had become that used to it you never even thought. You had so many orders to bark at me , And i never forgot , I forgive you , I relay do i forgive everyone , especially MYSELF. I done my best all that knows , that relay matter they know, the mindless gossips,
hahaha , sadly you, can only speculate , This kind of talk has never relay bothered me, For
I know the Truth , I have no need to lie, as has been shown as son as i stood the minority,
I stood the Majority, i had no idea at the time , my Actions were screaming , Everything i had ever known lying in tatters at your feet ,  It is some walk eh a walk in my shoes or an hour in my head, Not many could survive, the reality of it all , maybe that is why, i will be a clown, yes i will be that person that laughs when am not supposed to usually in a crowded room, and i will ask the questions people are scared to ask and leave in their heads. Its in Me all ways has been and it sure ain`t going to stop now , If anything It is getting Stronger this feeling inside of me. is it bewilderment , Of what is going to be, Its definitely something good , I even had a wee win on the lottery , Way back in march , I only just checked the ticket, I knew though, one was a winner and i was correct , Now if i could get the six numbers all would be great , No it wouldnt , It is a whole new set of Troubles believe me.
Someone once told me , after i had explained , me losing a treble on horse racing I would have been a very wealthy woman Financially, They told me I wasn`t supposed to have money, at the time i was so gutted losing out on all that Money , Now though I Understand I am A millionairess, My self is Priceless , people come from far and wide just to check am all right , Thank you Good friends.
I nearly had lost all my faith in Humanity, I needn`t have worried though every day some thing is sent to test us, in some way , i jsu go with it now , before i would look for the signs , Missing them completly , now going with the flow, i seem to miss nothing , Or no-one , For the real people,
They will come , When you are at your lowest , there is always a face in that crowd, To shed some light on even , Me, & my darkest of thoughts, O yip i have them too , I would be scared of me if they were to manifest. Instead i will punch the pillow till it lies there flattened, With rage , I do not tell,
all for some is too sore , I have so much to tell and share about Life & Its Lessons for us all.
So Please never feel alone i only talk of one experience, And only a little of that , Imagination &
Magic , I need me some of that . I need some of the magic back , I have plenty of light,
You just need to touch to feel the electric current that runs through me. As if i am plugged in 24/7,
Sharing is defiantly caring and that i care to much not to share with everyone , just what made or makes me tick. I haven`t got a clue , i just go with what comes to me , I sure had to learn so much so fast , I should have been able to learn when i was young , Now the lessons fast & thick , My you truly get blonde moments,s Karen dont you lol. I sure do I am glad to say it is what keeps me sane,
In all that has been and all that is now , for i feel i haved lived a hundred of many life`s,
I sure have done a lot, I had to whats the saying "a good scientist" "try`s all his methods out",
I probably have that bit wrong but not to worry its half true lol,. Life up to now has been a roller,
coaster , And it doesn`t seem to be slowing down any , were i actually think there must be a Crazy train, With me the driver , No leave it in Auto pilot , I dont want to miss a thing , Life is for Living , I know a lot of this sounds so doom and gloom and a god bit of it was, but that is all history now,
My Life, Our Family life , loads more tales to tell there too, It was our life though almost,
Thirty odd years, Yes it was great when it was great and it would be shit when it was shit but that is the joy of loving, Your soul mate , of course you will get angry how dare they leave , especially now i have woken right up , I want to so give you it tight for so many things , I wont, i know, when i think you, are getting it tight , I Love you, and always will , we showed ,each other so much and brought so much light  to so many.
 How could or would i ever dare forget , that beautiful man i fell in Love with , Even throughout the years , In a relationship , You build things on Trust and a mutual Understanding , everything,
when there is two of you , is questioned and answer from the two then decipher the best answer ,
Take it from there , Love is all around us people , every were , Some of the people walking by, their faces like thunder, Hmm, Smile and look them in the eye, Dare to Care ,  It freaks people out , you must be after something , no honestly i have no needs, or any thing i need, i was going to give,
 you so much time, I did , What did you do you spat it right back tut tut tut, Silly You ,
I doesn`t matter lesson learn`t , & Again Thank you , Till we meet on the other side.
By Then all my questions will be void , not o worry again , it is all good , i have survived , Once again.
Born again , The inside of me new gone are all the doubts no room for them , Only room,
for the positivity , In everything, There is , in everything that is negative , you can find the positive if you want to look that is . I did am so glad i have dealt with everything I have and I will ,
keep on doing what i do best. Love light & Peace :)