Crossroads

The words seem to be flowing , the tunes are blaring and it makes me feel a contentment,
 a happiness, A Good flow or Vibe from me when i feel the beat , I feel as if i could,
climb a mountain, i remember an advert were the boy, climbs a high rise flat for a pkt of crisps,
Yes relay only for a bag o crisps , was a great message , he loved this type of crisp,
& would do any thing to get a pkt,.
Wonder what that wee laddie is doing with his life now, if he climbs those stairs,
 for a different type o pkt a pkt o death, Or does he maybe even live there now .
He looked so admiringly at those flats as if he knew he would be back and he knew.
Life knew, I relay don`t know what ever happened to that boy am just talking , Of loads of others ,
i once knew , they are not here in this day and age the sacrifice they gave was their life`s,
I have lost so many thoughout the years , such a a horrible path, You do not see,
at the time, You think you are all nice and protected , No far from it , when these little grains
run out , you will look and climb any mountain to obtain that feeling of warmth serenity, It
Relly is dull , when you waken you will see , all i do is help others now i am free,
I can help others i have broken this cycle before your Children see, or it will never stop,
This addiction will carry  on throughout time. It relay is not all it is cracked up to be , believe me,
I have seen the destruction it leaves in its wake and not just 1 type a lot of types ,
They all cross each-other off thinking they are better because , of their chosen drug,
No You do not see, The foil as it burns , You will  not see those little grains as they,
 turn the color of T, In the hay day the fun was to get it as dark as the darkest of T,s, Or let it
beetle onto the foil and suck it right up not wasting any fumes, poor you, You have no idea,
of what awaits , its not all fun when the drugs , dont work,
For this is what happens if you abuse them when you are young , You confuse your,
 receptors, They have, no clue, what you want, them to do, 2 people i know of now, said the ( drugs dont work), On there death beds. They were so right for they did not help many i know/knew,
So sad to have lost so many good friends , not just to a drug induced state, Too the complications of putting this stuff into your body , it has its consequence, Actions , reaction , Consequence,
maybe i have it in the wrong order but it still all counts out, The drug don't really work ,
Seemingly if you are in pain more than 20 minutes , then you are causing the pain, To Yourself.
I am so glad i was able to break the cycle , it was not easy when all around me were having loads,
I did not want any more enough is enough. & I haven`t looked back , I have went bk not
meaningfully, It was a test and i was strong as per, You cannot pull me with that , That just makes me run want to run so fast an never come back, For i know what it does how it makes you feel,
its loving arms , ready to drop you like a hot potato, once it has you were it want`s.
You have to be strong, it takes a certain type of person to be this strong , I dare you to try it and come tell me when you are 1 year clean, Until then keep far, I know now i will never see you again,
For i don`t cannot watch , now i know, what i know, about you and the little grains , yip
that is all it takes, Little packets of white or brown grains, & You are happy for what !!?
1day,1hour, 20 mins then. Reality hits home , you have to go get some more what a life,
I am so glad , Yes nice people take drugs too , But Its a different type o person who takes Dirty too.
You have to change everything about your whole being everything, Out with the Old an in with the New , Now that is very fitting , Here on this subject , I have loads more to share loads , I lived some life , maybe its been more for i feel i have lived 100 peoples life`s for them, this i do not mind , because yeeharr ya wee beauty . I AM STRONG....Love light & Peace .

It has not been an easy journey , and i know for all that do take this journey it is hard , & the hardest, part, is staying away from the drug ,  screaming your name at 1 point nearly leaving the indentations,
in your  heart & emotionally scared for life You do not see all this till some of clears the mist that was once now gone an reality hits home. Of all You gave to those stupid little grains, like grains of sand < Blown with such ease like the hands of time, never seizes to amaze me, or remind me,
of what i never want to be, I might of moaned and done loads but i never had to steal , Or lie,
Those morals have been with me for life maybe that is why i broke away so free, when all around there was plenty to be had, Help youself,.
The more you get clean , the more your so called friends step back , you even feel you do not,
belong and on thinking & Reflection , I should never have walked that path but it was so easy ,
and so easily led, I was too numbed & Dumb, follow orders , That is what i done,
for a quiet life. You have to want to change that is the biggest battle of them all , & Staying off
as your demons will let you know, their displeasure at not giving into their satisfaction, The
More you say no, the stronger you will become,It was n`t just the 1 drug that satisfied our lust,
No we had to try most not if all of them. The 1 i will stick to is Cannabis, You have to learn to control the drugs not let them, control you. Do not think after 1 failed attempt , that should be it , no if at first you do not succeed do it again and again if need be .
Your so called friends the druggy type , O how they shun you for getting clean , how they think wrongly ,, that you think yourself better, no its not because i think i am better, I dont want to be licking the carpet or the window , when my child gets home from school. I want to better,
all that i can , is that so wrong!! To change my ways , |NO.It definitely is not. Not by my reckoning or any one else`s just 1 or 2, Like those little demons sitting on your shoulders for what feels like eternity,
They see you are clean yet the offer you some, even saying they bought it for you, the kick in the teeth had to come, when you kindly offered something you said you would never have, That threw me for 6, did you know , if there was an ulterior motive, was this to try and bate me back in to kill me,
I wonder , was that your plan along, Did you even know , did you care what you done to me,
Nope its the nature of the drug, people lose all sense (common). Surley you , wern`t trying
to kill me. That was just 1 in a multitude of things you said and done wrong , You led me in a different path stole part of me, & I want it back, all of it. I know it wont be, for I do not even want to be near you, As if you hate me , the way you spat words , Now lets see who needs the kick in the ass.
It definitely is not me, I have went my 50 rounds with what ever you threw at me , I did not falter , o yes i let out a lot of tears at frustration of the rubbish from the years ,. You definitley did not win for
me ,and i cannot see you win for any body , Life is short and o so cruel these evil ,wee twists of fate,
How the do their Circles not missing any one, You see i had to get straight for all that came , you were to busy doubting me, & Reminding me, you said it was me talking , no i told you 1 or 2 times before , if i have nothing good to say i just don`t speak, You should definitely, try it some time and have a heart , cause that thing you have is not even made of tin, Just as-well it wasn`t gold for She /heroin is much Pricier than any precious, jewel, it costs you your life, I am not relay that lucky to have come out this side , I have not come though all this emotionally clean, For i lost greatly to the Drug scene,
I sometimes sit an reflect of all that was when we were in our o so younger days , days seemed so long the nights so long , we were bored so we thought we will try what every body else is screaming about , that first time made me sick as a dog, never went back for years, Then when we did,
O deary me we were not just greedy , we had a very hi tolerance , dangerous level, not a thought,
as to our well being , Not a care. Now if only i could turn back the hands of time, would i do so much differently, No I honestly dont think i should if i could, for it has molded me to be me,
& for this i can pass on my wisdom to so many , & They listen that i know for sure , the people,
That got clean , just because they had a little faith in me, not even knowing me, Its good to,
hand these virtual reality hands of mines out. If i didn`t , then i would be stuck , in my will,
full blindness i will call it , for it wasn`t a total waste for i learn`t plenty.  Of different people`s ways,
I was already aware , well aware , That is why i do not talk or listen , relay i have heard it before,
The ones who set the hurdles before they have even begun, they are not even wanting to be clean,
They want to be In a state, its a shame because you always have to take more, Those $£, you started out with , have now turned into worthless grains of wasted time , Can you relay not see what it is doing to you,  too Blinded wrapped up in a false security,  I Fell for you i know the shakes the rattles the rolls the wanting to take your limbs of and throw them far and wide the aching in your muscles the pain you feel , When you have none? Its a pain like no other so you think, Think again look out side take a good look , look at what you are missing , the cars going past in the street let them resemble , your years Going by , The older you get the faster the time and so  much less time to do it all in ,
Especially if you were in a drug induced  time, the time would have flew, and it did for us all,
The ones that are left , not many if we count , O How sad the 80,s relay was and should of been so fill of so much instead we filled it with drugs , we done loads more , we were the lucky ones we had access all areas , We were and still are Trusted , We did not steal, cheat or lie , we did not have to
It was the 80,s it was near handed to us all on a plate, herion or Methadone , green Liquid synthetic,
smack, The nick names for the stuff are relay relevant,The harm this causes , and it supposed to be harm reduction ? So Quick to throw this at everyone in the 80,s think it was the Aids had you running , scared Governing Officials, You made people sign a piece of paper declaring we wanted and need this stuff?? You were the Professionals. You should have known instead of using us as Guinea pigs,
The paper we signed is of no use we were not of sound mind. That alone is and should be enough to win in a court of law, Yes am clean but what of all the others that tried and failed the ones who are not by my side the ones who cannot , Stand up and talk or shout , of just how unjust this all seems.
Now i know what i know , you set out to do this to as many as possible, And ofcourse, we
would have took it willingly we were not of sound mind, we only wanted to be stoned block out the misery, If only i knew that was causing the misery, Once i realised the mistake , I quickly rectified
and tried to save what was left, You done so well too , 7 weeks clean then diagnosed,
With stage 4, They thought you wanted your prescription back another statistic, You became ,
All the time you were in agony , these stupid doctors could not see for years we had been stoned, we wanted awake , |I was, Then you , Then Boom . Life as we knew it changed from every perceivable corner, None irretrievable, The lessons learn`t , the hard way , Life`s were lost & Changed
Do not expect the same me, I am not bitter , i was , for a bit , till i got rid of that weight of my back,
I dont want to see it back, It has caused me so much grief , I know not to go back.
for my Childrens sakes and my own I Love life , You cannot beat being naturally high.
The buzz is intense, the feelings you thought dead , everything you thought you were going to hide,
It has to come out some were , And i am not an emotional punch bag for no one. Emotionally can leave deeper scars ,than the action itself, So be very careful Not everyone that smiles at you is your friend , question dont be so opened armed, You might just let the enemy in, Keep all at a safe distance till you know , they are what they claim to be, Let them prove to you, Actions Speak Louder Than Any Words . Selfish that is what i see , Its all about you , nobody else has lived its only you, that
knows it all . You might know a good bit but never ever think you know it all because believe me you don`t, far from it , Like minded people , Yes i see , I am  definable, am not like you,
You haven`t even tried , You place yourself in such hi regard , no one else does. You think away.
I Know people think difrentley of what you thought of me, You were blinded by little grains of shit .
Te people that warned me , thank you and sorry for not listening, I stupidly thought, This was
going to be so different.
I leanr`t so much , most of it BS, That is all good too because that means you relay dont have a clue
Of all the heartache has taught me , and you never will . Good bye little miss Heroin, Or little miss Negativity, YoU Played with my head for years there is no danger you will ever get that close again.
I made mistakes haven`t we all , I can talk of mines cause as i say i dont steal, cheat or lie . Now you know that for yourself, I dont care about others thoughts, That doesn`t concern me ,an relay neither do yours, You stick to your half i know there is better waiting for me, Hiding from you , now i am free . Free to do as i like within reason, I always do , I am, not greedy like you. Thankfully
for me also i was never greedy maybe that is how it was so easy to get of, No I was greedy,
I even used to say that , on reflection "I am not greedy " "I just need more " Because i have a higher tolerance. Fool that i was , Yip I am 1 of the lucky ones. To clear all the hurdles set out infront,
 of me , very clever my higher beings that look out for me. I thought you were well aware ,
I am protected , for a reason i dont even know, just that were ever i go people want to be my friend
real friend not what i can give them Materially, Honesty and genuine that is like minded
to me, You said you were a nasty person 1 time , i thought na you are not right , but you were
you even told me , and i think we definitely should have left it loads of places, I thought better to whether the storm , & I am glad i did just to show you, Not everyone is as you claim for i
am definitely not out for what i can get ever , What i can give always not to receive,
Saddens me you still think like this after all i have shown you, I am Unique, Not for you
though , no , You are too selfish for me I need to share . I need to do so much , mind i was sleeping so i feel i have to catch up, Even though i have done plenty, I wont stop till its my last breath
my loved ones are worried for me , Not now i have set it all straight , You are twisted, And sad.
I am so glad i could stand tall , were would i be now licking the gutter you would have been quite happy to see that, so so sorry to disappoint, The only way i would be near a gutter with you,
is because you had fallen in t, yes i would still help , That is me , I even have to cut these ties.
it pains me , for i thought so wrongly , & Now i have paid the price, yes am here to tell the tale
the sacrifice`s many, Life 1 heap o shit at times but hat is what is life, that is why when you
are enjoying yourself , make it last, Do Not cut any one down for you will be left with no one wanting to laugh with you, Its not only you that suffers we all do, Grief is a painful process no one can put a time on it , You never get over it, you learn to live with it, & All the details , I have only
skimmed the surface on this part of our life`s,.. Love light & peace            




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