Changes

In my dreams for months i couldn`t find you  I had climbed mountains, been over seas, looked in fields, recurring dreams for months thoughts for years , then when i did find you ,i had our youngest, with me, I thought yeeehhaarr, I have found u, i was in a small boat with the baby ,  an u were standing waiting on a wooden plank as if waiting to greet us, but u weren't,  You, were there, to tell me to an our baby , to go home, I was shocked,  an hurt how could you send us away,  I couldn't touch or even have a kiss,but the place you were was beautiful,  an island in the middle of the ocean,it was so green an looked so inviting, but we weren't,  allowed,  even out of the boat, I did go as you, told me,  I had to,  and i was to look after our youngest for he was only a baby , I hope am doing well,  as best as i can, am sure , your  looking down watching everything, I do an if things,  get hairy i know , You will ,  come to my rescue, we had something  special some people don't, get in a lifetime but we had all our lifetime in 1,maybe that`s why, it was cut short, because it was too good to be true, I remember sailing away in the boat an having to wave goodbye,  You also said you,  would be there,  for me when its my time to come, about 3 weeks after that dream, You  were diagnosed, we both knew right away it wasn't,  gonna b long cause it was your time , I think you,  knew as-well a longtime before you,  told me anything, as you knew only to tell so much, you must of  been scarred , inside but you never showed any fear,hurt, You  showed me that , we showed each-other, why us!! we asked, I couldn't cuddle You,  or touch you,  as it was just too sore so we cried head to head an we let it all out, just u an I, we had to b strong our kids always came first, couldn't let them see what was relay, going on inside,but as i watched, You  wither my heart sank further knowing you ,  were leaving, sometime soon was so  ? I cannot even put it into words how i felt ,i know it was the worst,so people out there (cancer) doesn't, just eat the person its attacking  it eats,  at all the family,  an the ripples after your loved 1 is gone goes on like tsunamis , It doesn't matter how well u look after the patient ure loved 1 ure still gonna get a kick in the teeth  as for the ripples they go out so far, You don't think you, will get past,  the first day,  but you do you have to? especially  for the kids,they need me,  more than ever now,because am mum ,I love being a mum its harder work as they grow into adults but the feelings never change.________________________________________________________________________________