29/01/2002, Today 8/02/2015

The sun should be shining, on my heart. If you leave this plain before your time.
Surley you can plan a date, to come back? Just for this one perfect afternoon.
If your taken in your prime And well before your time. Just 1 special date!! Surley,
It can be done!?. Everything perfect? Surly it can be done?. A few stolen hours. Perfect hours to do what we have missed when you were here alive & kicking.Maybe it can be done, No-one,,s ever, tried yet. Surly untill you try thats when you find if it can be done. if only we could try , so
the sun is shining in My Family's Heart. Hey !! my love its 3.30 and am lying here wide awake wondering were we went wrong.We really, knew!! all this time we just never, had the courage to up and change the whole stinking situation.All i wanted to do was dance. Love you.
You are not here again. This you could not of helped , not even great divine intervention?.
Or was it.
 You used to love me so well were did we go so wrong, we could not get back to where it once was, all has gone, both the bridges burnt , years before we were even aware, Yet we got caught up in the flow of our life.. We both must of been so broken. the cracks never showed. Till we looked.
really looked, then what was deep inside had turned to some kind of surreal reality, that we just ,
got caught up and did not know how to stop. The feelings still there , still raw, pleading eyes.
Screaming at eachother, for just a cuddle , without realizing our own pride, ego , would help,
divide, stop us from being true from the feelings inside, thinking the grass, is greener ,
on the other side, now i mean is it really greener, it looked greener, when i seen you in the dream.
So now the clouds are back , my eyes , are misty from missing you. I want to lye by your side.
Stretch out and touch you for real, missing you is so much harder than i ever imagined.
Oh why did you see me standing, why did you, have me standing, by your side.
I have news for you, i need to share but all i can do is talk to the air the empty space that you,
should be in, your vibrations, shaking us all up inside, I never imagined, life without you would be so hard.I wrote about us often, i miss your big flashy smile and your spontaneous actions.
Why do things have to change, why do lessons have to be learn t. Especially after writing about this,
horrible love of ours looking over the years , we were doomed way back. We should have ,
listened to our piers, yes we were young, and we knew how to have all the fun.
When your back is against a wall, what would you do.Will you surrender  or put up a fight.
when your back is up against the wall , You will surrender to me , when your back is against the wall.
Why because no one else is going to put up with you, selfish ways. Then i think , ofcourse i will.
For i am your wife. You brought me sunshine , i brought you plenty too. We just could not pick up each other up anymore , The time was coming for this we both knew, timings were changing , and they sure did. I cannot believe when i look, reflect on things i have written years ago.
As if i knew you wouldn`t be here in the here and now so to speak. you did leave early.
Just as you had said ? I realy should have listened , you did not listen to my pleas. When the,
 time came. I know i stood in vain watching your demise was the hardest i thought was going to happen in our life, the hardest was the kick in the teeth at the end, it did not mater how good we tended your needs you were not aware, you would drift in and out of conscientiousness.
The Sun would come back for those minutes are now only memory's like the story's on,
This page .Our love was for infinity from here & beyond we both knew this for sure, we were perfect soul mates. We had our sad and bad times too but when your not here its realy only the good times.
We all want to remember , death is just so sore, surreal even losing you was one of the hardest chapters in our familys story up till that date. There is loads more, every year a diffrent struggle to come to terms , your realy not here, not at the end of a phone, why did i get to see and feel
all this before losing you, was that my inner self, protecting me , for to be able to go on be strong as you asked, i have done all that you asked. Till we meet again , on the other side :) R.I.P BBZ XX