Siloutes

I can see, our siloutes , dancing together, Only You alone?, Sometimes we are together,
sometimesits only me watching you, in the background , watching you dance about ,You
loved to dance, the energy , had people trying to copy , our rhythm, always intuit then ,
You relay did us proud, Now I have to let you rest, 7 stop calling you, when things get tuff, even though i know you cannot relay come, As long as i feel you, then everything seems to be fine, am i just surviving, I Know i can do better, & that is what you wanted me to do.
I feel I have let you down, The state of our family affairs. the Unit that stood so tall seems all crumpled and gone?. What was is not what is now, no no no, all my nightmares , all my feelings from way back , all have come true,Now we the family stand in tatters, looking back wishing things could have been so different, To What is now, That is Hindsight , every day is a new challenge, it so feels,
it has never stopped and never will. life might of soared should/could, is all hindsight, the here and now,
I Do Hope it has not all been in vain , for there is a young life, here learning, so much from all these past years, the years have been cruel for such a young age , why what has this little Angel to learn or maybe to bring , he brings light to me and i know so many others, this child of mines to help flourish and bloom into the adult he is to be , all my nurturing and trying to clear a path , wil only help a little as he has lessons to learn to , it just seems so many for 6 years now though 5/6 years down the line, he has been an Angel a guiding Light , In His Youth, he has no idea , I can see great things for this Child and so many others, Children are the future, this child has more empathy in his little finger than i have seen in the World . he is relay special, He was born 1 year to the day my best friend committed suicide.
This pregnancy was never expected ;) I was of late years in Life , I was so scared due to my health, I went for a scan and they would have put a needle into my stomach to check if the baby had spinabifida,
I needn`t of worried as the scan appeared , there was the baby lying on his back , with his hands and arms in a Praying Motion?? This to me was a sign i did not need that needle to tell me my baby was all right . He was telling me with the scan :) & I was right , He was born, by C-Section,& Standing Up, The nurse who delivered him informed me , The last we bit before i finaly got him in my arms, every bit of the pregnancy i was so scared , I could not,
believe a baby after all these years , our older 1,s were left the home and living their life`s, I even thought, it was the change of life , emotions :) I was so proud to have this little bundle of joy espcally after all That had been los, I understand he was a present for me to keep my head afloat, Believe me , there has been times i just want to sink , Its not in me to give up, not now , Maybe 10 years ago i would of shut up and done my motherly , wifie duties, Then i learn`t loads of things,
Some broke me, So I thought , some were lessons i was to learn again and again, Maybe i am a glutton for punishment, I question myself, all the time , analyzing , then analyzing the analyses lol :) My own worst critic , I have to be , I listen to my elders , due to they have made the mistakes we all make that is life and if i learn from listening , then great.
This Angel of mines , He is not just for me I have found, others thanking me for meeting him
he is only 10, he also has a great sense of humor , others might not like ?, that is my boy and i will reap with delight , that i helped create & Install the LOVE , the Light I helped him to blossom to brighten everyone that is willing to let the light in, for it is easier said than done , believe me , I have tried and succeeded, Were others fear to tred, if you believe enough and trust in yourself , life will be so much easier, never mind what others think, its Your LIFE . its your path, never mind the negativity, that is only sent to try and trip you up, Stray you from your path. Sometimes unwittingly You go ,Till you are a bit down their road then you realize, its not for you , get back to your crossroads , the road is always waiting , Just for you . For its only for you, it is your path. Set out in Stone its supposed to be, i wonder , then why & I know its of no god to ask why , or what could should, its doing that is what it is living and doing what you know as best , Be the best you can be that is all i can do and if i help , then that is just dandy :) & Grand . lessons come in all forms of guises , we do not see till after, that is the hindsight, O I Wish I could Of Bottled That , Peace & Light :) XX